Influence Starts Within: Influence is Self-Confidence in Action

Midway through our coaching work, I asked a client, what are the areas you’d like to still cover as we begin to wrap up our time together. “Influence” - up, sideways and down - was their answer.

During a recent coaching session, a thoughtful insight surfaced from that client:

"I think I underestimate my influence because I’m not always confident in myself."

It was a moment of clarity. Not dramatic—just honest and real. It almost slipped by, under the radar near the end of our session.

As leaders, we often focus on strategy, results, and external impact. But the foundation of leadership influence starts much closer to home—with how we see ourselves. If we don’t recognize or trust our own influence, how or why would we expect others to. 

Stephen Covey argues in The Speed of Trust that influence begins with trust, which is built on:

• Character (integrity, intent) – Are you honest and do you care?

• Competence (capabilities, results) – Can you do what you say?

But do we even trust ourselves at times?

I’ve seen many leaders overlook their influence because it doesn’t always show up as bold action or public visibility. Or, people question the leader’s character or competency - and that can make for shakey ground internally!

Let’s take a look at Robert Cialdini’s research on the psychology of influence (Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion); it is here where we can truly measure internally what we’re bringing to the table and how we are showing up with influence. Go through the list and ask yourself if you are doing the act or attempting to do it:

• Reciprocity – Giving before expecting something in return
  

• Commitment & Consistency – Following through on promises
  

• Social Proof – Setting a tone others follow
  

• Authority – Leading through earned experience and credibility.
  

• Liking – Building trust through approachability.
  

• Scarcity – Contributing unique perspectives.
  

• Unity – Creating a sense of shared purpose.

Most leaders already demonstrate some of these, whether they realize it or not. But without a level of confidence, their influence stays in the background.

Self-confidence isn’t about ego or being the most vocal person in the room. It comes from past experience, trusted feedback, values, and reflection. It's the quiet sense that you can handle what comes next.

In my client’s case, I encourage them to reflect and journal on the following:

• What behaviors/traits make them influential and build their self-confidence? Like, mentoring, asking thoughtful questions, and aligning values.
  

• Where can they create "oxygen tanks” to tap into when they’re feeling low on confidence (parents, spouse, friends, coaches, books, conferences, YouTube videos, etc.)
  

• Where has their confidence grown in the past? Many times our past can illuminate our future.
  

• Exploring tools like 360 evaluations that might be able to create a clearer view of the impact they may not always see

Influence is self-confidence in action. You already have the tools—you just need to believe you're holding them.