(Photo Credit: Catamount Statue in Bennington, Vermont - Lorianna Weathers Photography)
I’ve had this conversation a lot during the last 6 weeks with many types of people and leaders. On the whole, I think many of us are trying to provide space (metaphorically and literally), as well as comfort to the people we lead.
A couple of things I attempt to remind leaders as they reach out to me during this time is that there are some psychological elements at play here and we would do well to recognize them for both our people and ourselves. We don’t just randomly have to bump around this thing called empathy and compassion like it's 1 o’clock in the morning, the lights are off, and you're trying to find the bathroom!
I find that it’s helpful to know that there are long-studied emotional events going on in each and every one of our followers. I also believe that if we don't understand our people (staff, board, followers, volunteers, etc.), we will never truly create our own successful circumstances for [enter company, organization, relationship, cause]. If we don't understand where our people are emotionally and how to help them out, then all the finances, strategies, x-point plans, and One Page Strategies won't do a lick of good.
With over a decade of studying how humans deal with change, loss and success, here is what I lean on and hope it helps you figure out where your people are at too:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Need: Let’s start with the basic one. I’m sure many of you remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five-tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. Needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to needs higher up*. From the bottom of the hierarchy upwards, the needs are: physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. The key is to know where your people are. I’m sure for many of us, we’re probably hovering around the ‘safety’ stage and perhaps the ‘love and belonging’ stage during this crisis. You cannot get to self-aspiration, if you’re in the other lower levels. Both you and your followers may find it hard to stay motivated, bang out that report, keep focused, or plan for the future. It's because you’re not at self-actualization; you’re not at the peak of the pyramid. Life’s current circumstances have literally dropped you a few pegs.
Thought for us: What are you doing in your daily COVID routine to provide yourself safety, security, and belonging so you can advance out of that stage and direct your efforts to the next set of needs?
Loss and/or Grieving Cycle: We have all lost something during this crisis. Certain freedoms, socialization, routines, jobs, and perhaps even the death of a loved one. In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five popular stages of grief, popularly referred to as DABDA. They include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. These stages are not linear and some people may not experience any of them. Yet and still, others might only undergo two stages rather than all five, one stage, three stages, etc. It is healthy to go through these stages and more importantly to expect them. This is why we can be sad at one moment and angry at another moment. At times we can get confused when we look out the window in the morning and we’re happy and then look out the same window in the afternoon, feel differently, and think “what’s wrong with me.” Nothing is wrong with you - you’re experiencing the loss of something. This is normal! It is healthy to go through these stages multiple times; however if we get stuck in one of these stages that’s a good warning sign that we may need additional help.
Thought for us: What are we doing to process these mixtures of emotions? Writing a blog post trying to understand it ourselves (like you’re reading now)? Or daily journaling (which no one has to read), meditating/praying, taking long walks, or talking with a loved one?
Change Styles: Change is the only constant in life and yet we, as people, are at odds with change in every aspect of our life. We like stability and ‘the known.’ The unknown can be scary and threatening especially during this crisis. However, change is inevitable. How can you prepare yourself and your followers to deal with change personally and at an organizational level?
When we train leaders on change management, one of the tasks for them to complete is a change personality assessment. The tool identifies three types of personality preferences and how each responds to change. I thought I would share them with you to see if you can recognize yourself or some of your followers:
The Conserver: The Conservers prefer current circumstances over the unknown. He/she is attracted to continuous improvement that is gradual and incremental. A Conserver buys into doing things differently as long it represents preserving the existing structure, and prefers minor changes to resources such as people, technology, knowledge and capital.
The Pragmatist: In the middle of the spectrum, we have the Pragmatists. They advocate for doing things differently if the current circumstances warrant change, regardless of the impact on the existing structure. They explore change in an open and objective manner and seek to make improvements that can immediately be applied to a particular situation or process. Pragmatists are open to doing things differently as long as they have a clear implementation plan and achieve real, concrete results.
The Originator: On the far right of the continuum are our Originators. They prefer a fast and radical approach to change. They initiate change or continuously challenge the existing structure, constantly re-engineering on all possible fronts. Originators show no fear of doing things differently. They believe in focusing on the task at hand and getting it done. They poke the box and look for alternatives that have not even been discovered yet. They discard any fear of failure or fear of success and believe that, in the majority of circumstances, there is no harm in failure.
Thought for us: Understanding how we react to change is such a valuable tool for any change champion, not only to understand oneself, but also to recognize that people who we may think of as resisting, are simply demonstrating a different preference for change. What change style are you? What are some of those on your team or your followers?
As COVID-19 and the aftermath (socially, emotionally, economically), try to wreak havoc on our way of life, I hope this post encourages you to think about it calmly and wisely. There are ways of looking at this that can take the fear out of the equation. Not only is there nothing to fear but fear itself - but we can learn through tried-and-true principles how to squash fear and be more empathetic not only to our followers, but to ourselves as well. As my mother often reminds me, be gentle with yourself.
So I extend that to you and your followers - be gentle with yourselves during this time. Understand what’s going on emotionally. Good leaders know thy selves, and others.